FUN WITH PUN!

(This is a true story of my friend Tim’s successful courtship with Libby, delivered in a somewhat southern style, using every state in USA as a pun. See footnote for clarification.)

Well, it started in a party where
Tim i'd-a-ho lot at Lib and vice versa.
I thought it'd never-mon-tan'a thing
but one thing led to another,
it isn't D.C. to explain.

Joshin' with his swig of brew
miss-i-ssip-pi did and spilled
on Libby's brand new jersey.
She was cross coz the stain won't go
even as she tried washing tons of times.
Nevadaless she giggled at all his apologizin'
and eyed hi'm inne-sota way that was electric.

Tim and I go back ways so I new hamp-shire
to ease up on love's gas pedal, not flor-id'a.
I new m-exico'lly well to avoid any tennessee
to let Libby get his libido exploding.

But you can't always georg-ia book by its cover.
Well, he took her drivin' and left me out cold
to hitch a ride or ok'lahoma.

I thought he'd nebr-ask-a out but I was wrong.
Their romance was wyoming up to steamy heights.
Consequently neither the dime nor th'da kota would do
coz he'd col-or-odomatically day and night
and life without lib was such missouri.

What te'xas months of courtin' took 'em just days.
Either she had a screw louis-ian-a or e-gon crazy
but it wasn't a problem arkan-sas
so I figured I ken-tucky as long as his career
in healthcaro-lin' a feared didn't go R.I.

I said to Tim, “I don't know when-ew yor-kidding,
when you ain't so without puttin' virg-in-ia mouth
tell me, are u-tah serious?” and he glowed like neon.

Knowing Lib less, I thought al-ask-a the same but then
a girl from the south might f'ill-inois'd at an alien
askin' what's personal and mightn't think twice to
pull out a michi'gan and cal-i-forn'ia!

Every good romance kansas of candy hearts and valentines.
The mailman couldn't delaware enough cards back and forth
between Tim cooin': “Gal, I think so-hi-o you,” and Lib echoin':
“Hawa-ii, my maine man, i-ow-a lot to you!”

And all of this mania of pen and Pennsylvania
went on for weeks which none of wis-con-sincerely pooh pooh
coz unlike some romances, it wasn't al-a-bama.
And they were to m'ari-zona or later.

Then it all happened—Tim proposed and Lib accepted!
How conn-ecticut or good manners come in the way
of a passionate kiss? They indulged lipsmackin' rough in public.
Their folks met and concurred that it was democratic to let
the massa-chus-ett's own destiny, and blessed their united states.
As they entered the mary-land of matrimony,
I was tickled most coz it all worked out Indiana.

NOTE:

A few poetic licenses taken: not florida (not floor it); new mexicolly (knew him equally); oklahoma (walk home); lousiana oregon (lose in her or he gone); arkansa (I can solve); i kentucky (I can take it); R.I. (awry); f'illinois'd (feel annoyed); michigan (machine gun); california (kill a foreigner); none of wisconsincerely (none of us can sincerely); alabama (all a bummer); Indiana (in the end).