PUPPY LOVE

I had promised a puppy when my son turned five
In keeping with my word, I took him for a drive
My wife stayed home in a restless state of stupor
She imagined a big dog, her with the pooper scooper

We drove to many kennels, our journey bore no fruit
The season seemed too frigid for a doggedly pursuit
So all through the winter my missus had us reading
Magazines on Dachshunds and dogs of mini-breeding

Soon with the tulips and robins came Spring
Our puppy search was unleashed in one giant swing
The pet stores were teeming with pups of all sizes
The nomenclature of the breeds held a few surprises

Cock-a-Poo seemed simple—Spaniel and Poodle
Scottie X we reasoned as Terrier and oodle
Chow-a-Box was certainly no carry-out Chinese
Peek-a-Boo was probably Pit bull and Pekinese

Regardless of the choices not a single mutt came through
My son loathed the lickers, the wetters turned him blue
We left the shopping mall somewhat sullen in our plight
Now headed for a kennel club, we took a dogleg right

The kennel sure was littered with a hundred kindly cur
The variety was breathtaking in color, shape and fur
There were toy breeds and lapdogs of every pedigree
From Chihuahuas to Shih Tzus, all tugging at the knee

There amidst the colony of canines roamed my son
Probing through the pricey pack of puppies one by one
Meantime in my wanderings I chanced upon a browser
Miniature and black, a most magnificent Schnauzer

Flooding with the joy of having found the perfect critter
I hurried forth to show my child my pick of the litter
But thereupon I saw him with a growler, not a smiler
The creature he had chosen was an awesome Rottweiler

The picture of the quadruped was posted on the wall
The monster bore no likeness to a dog, first of all
The Germans had them bred for centuries on end
To be a soldier of war, not a man's best friend

I pleaded with my son, reproached him as a parent
No bribery would sway the mind of my heir apparent
The Schnauzer he agreed to but the Rott was his best
I bought them both to terminate the tiresome puppy quest

The home front was wrought with the fury of my spouse
She entertained no reasons for two mongrels in the house
Heart-rending appeals followed, she did finally concede
And then came the question of the dreaded dogs’ breed

The Schnauzer was no problem, the statistics were legal
The other pup I portrayed as part Basset and part Beagle
She quizzed me on the size of the cruel-looking bounder
My estimate when fully grown—a tiny twenty pounder

Weeks went on when not a care was furrowed on my brow
House-breaking kept us loitering the sidewalks anyhow
Sheera was the Schnauzer and she never had us bitchin'
Crockett was the carefree male who pottied in the kitchen

Soon the teething season came, the bones were not enough
The rascals they were gnawing on the furniture and stuff
We kept them barricaded, thought nothing of their groans
Until such time when Crockett found his erogenous zones

My better half then took the dogs for a hormone scrutiny
It marked the day when darker clouds eclipsed my destiny
The vet had shown the picture of a pedigree Rott to her
Instantly she rang me up, her words spewed fire and slur

I was hounded by guilt feelings, I felt harrier than hell
My throat was a little husky, my nerves a-pinscher as well
No logic nor repentance would shepherd me from her wrath
I had lied exponentially to the power of N in math

Past a brief spell of cold war, we reached a compromise
We'd find a home for Crockett, not sell him for a price
Meantime I should enlist him in a nearby canine school
And have him coached repeatedly on every doggy rule

The whelp he learned quickly and he mastered every drill
He progressed like a student of perfection, if you will
He sat, stayed, heeled and obeyed, a dog so well tutored
After eight weeks of training we also got him neutered

The word-of-mouth soon got around, we felt a few nibbles
But they were new to puppy dogs, new to Bits 'n Kibbles
Then one day like in a fairy tale my friend in Denver said
They'd love to have our rowdy Rott very gladly in their stead

Crockett now is in Colorado in a house with a six acre lot
Where he and their tawny horse take an occasional trot
He is happy and cared for, there is nothing more to tell
These are verses out of puppy love in a poetic doggerel